I try to always allow for open and honest discussions about my past and my struggles. As a result, I get a lot of questions and comments about my own personal happiness. People sometimes are surprised to see that I am relatively upbeat and work hard to bring smiles to others. Sometimes they are almost pleading with me to tell them my secret. For the sake of honesty, I am going to tell you that this has been a bit of an issue for me. I have felt tremendous guilt for managing to stay upright this long. I, too, lay awake at night asking myself "How?" I have asked the Universe repeatedly why I get this joy and others do not. When will be their time? What will be their secret?
As with anything else, I don't have any real solid answer for you. I wish I could give you a 5 or 10 or 20 step plan that will get you from abuse, from assault, from depression to happiness. Instead, all I can do is give you tips on my own personal philosophy. We have the power to change the day-to-day rhythm of our lives. We can step back and review the people and the things we experience every day and then judge: does this influence me positively, negatively, or neutrally? Then we must make an effort to change or rearrange these things to better serve us. It will take time, strength, and dedication. It will mean letting go. It is not a guaranteed path to success, but it is a giant leap in the right direction. Here are some steps that I would recommend to anyone who would like to invite more positivity into their lives.
Surround yourself with positive influences. Seek out friends who make you feel supported, empowered, and valued. A friendship that stunts your growth is no friendship at all. Help these people leave your life.
Put your time and energy into pursuits that develop your skills and give purpose to your desires. This means serving others, being involved with your community, taking care of your planet, and never ceasing your learning process.
Put your time and energy into pursuits that develop your skills and give purpose to your desires. This means serving others, being involved with your community, taking care of your planet, and never ceasing your learning process.
Acknowledge the beauty around you. Some people would say to look for the beauty, but it's right here, in your face, all the time. Acknowledge the way the wind chills your flesh, knots your hair, and dances with the trees. Acknowledge the way the morning glory stretches forth; sharing its colors with the sun. Acknowledge the way your heart and your lungs and your brain work in perfect unison to power you through every day. The beauty is here and you need to acknowledge it.
Practice self care as often as possible. Try to get into bed and let your body rest, heal, and grow. Try to get the shower turned on, the brush through your hair, the water down your throat. Try to eat things that come from the Earth. Try to do something you like, cook a meal you enjoy, curl up with a movie and laugh. Do this as often as your schedule and your mental health will allow. This does not always come naturally, but you must fight for it.
In absolutely everything you do, try to filter out the things that do not benefit you. When you choose which films to watch, do not give your money to the ones that perpetuate stereotypes that upset you or that may trigger you. Even if it's the box office leader, you do not need to finance it. Seek out documentaries that will educate you on problems, discoveries, or people that interest you. Take your date to see the movie whose plot revolves around self discovery, human rights, or whatever it is that matters to you. You decide what is successful and you decide what you are subjected to. Apply these same principles to all forms of media. If a show/movie/book makes you feel bad, angry, or lesser than, turn it off or put it down. Immediately. This is a power that you have. Additionally, search the web for media that will do the opposite for you. Look for art that portrays your circumstances in a positive light or even art that delves into the science behind it. Find artists that give your problems, insecurities, and/or disabilities a platform to be seen and represented. You may struggle when other people want to enjoy a movie or a show with you, but you are worth it. People will understand if you say "I am sorry, I can't watch that film. I do not support _________. What if we saw ___________ instead?"
Focus on supporting companies that share beliefs with you. If you have some space in your budget, shop at the grocery store that pays its employees fair wages. If you have extra time, drive the other 5 miles to the local florist, bakery, or coffee shop. If you have the resources, shop online for clothing made with organic materials and/or without the use of child labor. Financially support companies that go out of their way to conduct business with fair, safe, sustainable practices and shop locally to boost your city's economy.
I would say that one of the most important things to remember in life is that you deserve a positive life. I frown a little at the notion that we all should strive for happiness. The idea of happiness can be a little fickle and is often debated. But positivity is powerful, it is good, and it is something we can wrap ourselves in even if we cannot produce our own. I encourage you to try and apply these sorts of principles to your own life, if you don't already. If you're already a purveyor of positive influences, congratulations! I hope you share your positive energy with those around you so that they, too, can enjoy it.
