Daily dilly

I know these might be getting old at this point. But if you consider the fact that I don't hardly update my facebook because I erase everything I type and/or I post it for 10 minutes and then delete it, then maybe you can really appreciate them. I put a lot of effort into getting things out onto paper or onto here before I lose them. And yeah, a lot of them are incomplete or crappy or whatever. But this is my artistic journey. These are my words and feelings and thoughts. So get used to it.


I sought you out tonight because I needed someone to tell
Lately my mind's been trapped in its own hurricane
My heart's been ripped from my chest over and over again
To the tune of every mistake I can recall
I'm being eaten alive by the hornets
I mean anxiety. It's anxiety. It's stress and nervousness and fuck, it's hornets
Tonight, like every other night, I am searching for one solid night of sleep
A few hours without sweating, without completely drawing into myself
Maybe a night without the nightmares of what has been
I thought I could take it all by myself. I thought I was better.
After 11 years don't I deserve to be healed?
Like you get a few months under your belt and you forget
Maybe I'm not made to be on my own
I keep telling myself that I need to get back into therapy
That's got to be the scariest thing I could admit
Pry myself open and pick at the scabs
Sob in the chair, in the car, on my floor
Take a leap backwards in attempt to ever be able to move forward
For once can't I move forward?
Well anyways I thought I'd call and yet..
I dialed your number about a hundred times
Forgetting that it was disconnected
You're the only one who could stand in the eye of my storm
I'd call your number every day if I could still hear that voicemail
I swear to you I'd sing 'You Are My Sunshine"
Until my throat was raw and bleeding
If only I could have you back
Sorry that I write about you only when I need you
Sorry that I waited so long to reach out to you
Sorry that you're my happy place even when you're not here