So an idea hit me square in the face today. Maybe I have NO IDEA how the World works.
I used to love that society had so many labels. I felt safe and normal as long as I could pick out who I was. I got to file myself away under things like 'Democrat' and 'Christian' and then discuss with people who were filed away with me. I thought this made everything so much easier. It occurred to me recently that I don't really feel so comfortable with these labels any more. I feel like I am living some sort of alien life. Maybe it's called growing up, or maybe it's called being totally clueless. I just don't know anymore.
One topic that shined a light on my personal crisis is also something I touched on recently. This motivational poster has caught fire. I mean really, this thing has been blown out of proportion. It's one of maybe five trillion posters with a fitness model and the phrase "What's your excuse?" You've seen one before, right? Of course. In fact you have probably seen one in the last week. This poster is not new or controversial in any way that I can see, but the one posted by Maria Kang has started some sort of giant shitstorm. You all know that I advocate body love, self acceptance, fat positivity, and so on. You all know that I fully support every single body type ever. I also do not stand for bullying. But, to me, this isn't bullying. This was not posted or directed at a group of overweight women. It was not part of a speech for an Over eater's Anonymous meeting. This was posted on her personal facebook page. It was posted for people who choose to follow this woman's fitness endeavors. So my crisis is fully encapsulated in this one topic. I am absolutely aghast over the response this poster is getting. I have seen so many people who claim to be body positive just lay into this woman. I have seen so many hateful blog posts, facebook comments, and emails directed at Maria Kang. I have seen some shameful bullying coming from a community that is supposed to be challenging this type of behavior. At the same time, this community is drilling the idea that they are outraged over the body shaming in the poster. I don't see anything about this image that is negative. If someone wants to ask for a promotion and they keep bringing it up and you know they deserve it...are you wrong to tell them to stop making excuses? If someone has been fawning over a pair of shoes that they insist they will wear and they can afford and they deserve a treat but they haven't bought them yet...are you a jerk for telling them to stop making excuses and just buy them already? I know it sounds like I am over simplifying the issue but I really don't think I am. I think everyone else is over complicating it. She made it for her audience to inspire them. She did something that has been done over and over. She is trying to be a role model for the people on her page and she is being made out to be some sort of monster. So here is my failure to fall into the fat loving community by defending the "fit mom".
I have to admit that I have never been a very big political person. The truth behind this is that politics go way over my head! I try to follow the important issues and only speak when I have an educated opinion but it is much less than I would like. I am 21 years old and due to different circumstances, I have never voted. I would say I lean towards Democratic ideals but, admittedly, I just can't get behind every single thing our President does. I feel like I disagree with too many things to be totally comfortable with standing by a specific party. I also feel that it is my duty as an American to always vote for the candidate who is the best option, not the one who most represents their party's values. I feel a twinge of guilt when I think about my stance on more controversial things like abortion or healthcare reform. I think that people expect me to support these things 100% but I simply can't. I try to look into each topic to the best of my ability and then make a decision and honestly, I don't always follow the popular opinion. I believe that making a stand for these opinions is a big part of being an adult and I am willing to face that. I am also not ashamed to admit that sometimes I don't know enough about a topic to have a definite view on it. That is what discussion is for, right? So there ya go. I am not a very good Democrat.
I am, despite what many might think, a Christian woman. By the simplest definition I am saying that I believe in God. I'll even go as far as to say I have read most of The Bible, attended many different church services, and tried to live a life rooted in wholesome values. Where it gets tricky is when I try to make a list of things I do and do not believe. Maybe you could say I am a picky Christian, or perhaps you believe that I am not a Christian at all. You're wrong of course but I can't change your mind. For example, I do not believe that The Bible is quite what it has been advertised as. I do believe that in reading parts of The Bible you can glean some of God's teachings. I do believe that there are stories in The Bible that properly illustrate the glory of God and his love for us. It's the parts about Heaven and Hell and some other things that maybe I don't have complete faith in. The thing about faith is that you have to believe and so I choose to believe the good and not believe the bad. I like to believe in things like second lives and the beautiful cycle that is completed when our mortal bodies provide sustenance for the nature around us. More so, I don't think Christian values are exactly what people have been chalking them up to be. I would say that things like love and kindness are more God-like than condemnation of sinners. I guess that makes me just like all the people who think that God hates homosexuals because of the Old Testament but keep running around in polyester like it's no big deal. I would say that God's power of forgiveness is the most beautiful thing in all of Christianity and that in excluding people who have done wrong you are only muddying it. So I'm gonna go ahead and let my relationship with God continue to grow completely separate of my slutty clothes, my foul mouth, and my radical self love. I think he's got the space to love me just the way I am.
In these ways and many, many more, I spend my time feeling like a big hypocrite. I spend time dwelling on the idea that I am just too much. I have too many thoughts and feelings to fit into these tight labels that people carry around. I am bursting at the seams with all of these things that simply cannot be classified and I guess that's the way I am. So I am sorry that I am not sorry about who I am. I might hit you out of left field when I speak, but please know that I only speak with the passion that fuels me. I might leave you speechless with something I advocate for but please know I only advocate with the love that warms me. I might educate you on something that shocks you but please know I teach only what I know to be true. I have always been a little much, but I think I'm just the perfect amount.
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