Fierce Love

After yesterday's post, I really wanted to balance it out. I touched on the difficulties of loving a survivor but I didn't touch on any of the beauty.

*Quick Note: Each and every person is different. I respect and honor all of the different ways to love and be loved. These posts are generalizations based on my own life as well as the experiences of friends and family.*

Yesterday I mentioned that survivors have a habit of protecting themselves. I made it sound like you would need to pour all your energy into convincing them that you want to be in their life and that you really love every part of them. I even told you that there was a chance that after all that work, your relationship might fall apart. Well, I said all of that because it's true. What I didn't mention was just how rewarding that experience would be. 

I didn't tell you about the spark you're going to make. At first you may feel like the person you love is cold and shut down. It may be a chore to get them to smile, to speak, to hold your hand. You may start to wonder if the person you love has been lost. But with time, and love, and patience you will see a spark. Their eyes will betray them when they shine for you, their voice will blow their cover when it becomes full of hope, their face will give under the pressure and share a long forgotten smile. You will awaken things inside them that they had given up on. With you by their side, they will start to find beauty in the World, in you, and inside themselves. You will be allowed to see every step of the journey, every inch of growth. You will be taken inside their World and you will be shown the fire. This is such a beautiful and special thing to share with a survivor. They do it for you, but they also must do it with you. It's a little scary and it's really hard but it is sweet and kind and above all, it is beautiful.

I didn't tell you about just how strong that love is going to feel. I didn't warn you that when you gain a survivor as a friend or lover, you are also gaining a hero. You are spending your days in the presence of someone who has seen hell, conquered it, and then returned to Earth. You are spending your days watching someone re-learn everything about themselves. You start to see how much bravery and strength is in their soul and it only leads to you loving them harder and deeper. When you come to a scary point in your life, you may think to them for inspiration. When the days get hard you may turn to them for strength. When your World starts to spin out of control, you will reach to them as an anchor. The bond you create will be deeper than skin, deeper than blood. Once you have been loved by a survivor, you are loved forever. You are loved so earnestly that maybe you feel like it's suffocating. You are loved with the strength of the wind and pull of the tide. You are loved for every tear, every sleepless night, every bruise, every thrust. You are loved for all the moments that love hid away. This is the sweetest love of all. 

I didn't tell you how loyal a survivor can be. You were willing to break down the walls, hold them through the nightmares, listen to the grueling details and still you stayed. You have proven yourself a thousand times over. You have seen the worst of us and we have seen the best in you. A survivor knows just how determined and strong you are. You have given your time, love, strength, patience, and love. A survivor will return those things to you by throwing themselves down by your feet. They respect and treasure everything you've given them and they will defend you no matter what. You will never be alone. 

I didn't tell you about the lessons you will learn. You are raised in a society where rape is a joke, never unprovoked, and hidden away as a non-threat. Loving a survivor is going to open you up to a lot of scary truths and this will try your heart. You will find empathy, passion, anger. You will find a lot inside yourself during this journey. I cannot tell you in which ways you will grow, but I promise you will. 

I didn't tell you that this one relationship might affect every other love in your life. You may find you are able to love more completely. You may let go of all the small things and fill in the spaces with acceptance. You may come to realize that every hurdle is worth the reward of someone's love. You may be able to heal and love an awful lot of people because of the journey you took with a survivor. You may know that when the road gets tough, you and your love will make it through, because if you've done it once you can do it again. When you feel like there's no more love inside yourself to give, you will find it. When you feel there's no more time to give, you will find some. When you worry you cannot heal the hurt inside someone, you will find yourself trying anyways. You will find a hell of a lot of good inside yourself. The biggest relationship it might affects it the one you have with yourself. You may come to realize just how fantastic you are. You may start to heal, grow, and love because of this journey. People change and change is good.

I didn't tell you that out of all the reasons to try and love a survivor, the most important reason is because there are more reasons not to. There are more reasons to avoid them, to ignore them, to let them keep on scraping by. It is easier to never ask the hard questions. It will never cost you sleep, time, or energy to go about your life the way you have. You are not risking being hurt, pushed away, or put through trials if you simply don't try. There are so many ways that it could negatively affect you if you try to love a survivor. There are so many other happy healthy people you could love instead. It's because of all these things that you should do it. It's because so many other people are taking the easy route that you should be inspired to take the hard one. Hell, maybe you've had a hard life and you feel like you deserve a rest for once. 

One thing I tell myself, and I am now telling you is this: What you deserve, what the person next to you deserves, what the World deserves is love. No matter the cost, no matter the risk, you should never stop giving love. Give love to those who are easy to love and give to those who are cold, hard, rough around the edges. When you see someone broken, go in and fill the gaps with your love. Be their cement. Be the gold in their cracks.