What are you going to do about it?
Every day of our lives we go out into the World with no idea of what kinds of circumstances are going to affect us. Maybe a bunch of minor things will add up to a shitty day. Maybe the milk for your coffee was spoiled, you forgot to pack lunch, you hit all the red lights on the way home and you forgot it was a Holiday so you can't go get that ingredient you needed for dinner. Really, that sounds like a spectacularly craptastic day and if that happened, I feel your pain. Maybe something really big happened that shattered your World. Maybe you got news of an illness or death, your pet ran off, or the doctor had a big mouthful of disappointing news. If one of more of these happened, I am sending love your way. The main point here is that it happens and sometimes it likes to happen in big, long chains of fuckery.
If you're anything like me then your reaction to any of the above might involve swearing, binge drinking, calling in "sick" for an extra day, or generally deciding that life isn't fair and everything bad happens to you and you alone. None of these things are a good idea really, but they are pretty natural responses. The issue comes when you are in an unusually crappy chain of bad days. You can't give into your self destructive ways every time something goes wrong. So what is a girl or guy to do?!
First off, and I know this one is hard: DON'T PITY YOURSELF! Sitting around wondering "why me" and deciding that the World is out to get you will literally accomplish nothing. Sadly enough, it might leave you worse off than you were before. YUCK! No one wants to be part of why they are in a bad mood. Secondly, another hard one: don't replay the day/week/year over and over in your head. Thinking about what you could have done differently is pointless. You cannot change what happened and if you don't accept it and let it go, it will poison you. No amount of wishing, praying, or analyzing will somehow undo what has been done. Also, stop blaming yourself!! I say this because I know for a fact that you are currently doing just that. It comes along with the fact that you have already done the first and second things I told you not to do. STOP IT ALREADY!
Now that we've gone over what NOT to do, let's look at some things we can do.
Try to step back and analyze the problem(s) as if you are an outside force. Maybe pen and paper is the best approach here. Write down the facts and only the facts and look at them. Is this a mountain or a molehill? How much are your emotions interfering with your ability to deal with the cards you have in your hands? Analyze the situation at hand and then proceed with a clear head.
Personally, I like to sike myself up after my head is clear. Now that I have convinced myself the issue is a whole lot smaller than it felt when it first happened, I want to make sure I feel like I can totally conquer it. I like to place today's problem (for this example I will use a hard day at work) and put it next to something I have already overcome. So I had a bad day at work, but I know that I already made it through a time in my life when getting out of bed was a struggle. Man, now that bad day at work looks really small. I try to recall just how bad it felt when I was battling my depression. I remember that every single day I was waking up with a monster on my back. Then I think about how much I love the sunshine and singing birds outside my window. If those days, that felt like absolute misery, are so far behind me then I know that soon, this will be too. I know that if I had the strength and determination to pull myself out of that emotional stronghold, I can definitely make it past this. I know that right now this feels like the worst day ever but in time I will probably forget it ever happened. THAT is how insignificant this really is.
Now, sometimes the comparison isn't quite so stellar. Maybe you lost someone and all you can compare it to is, well, the last person you lost. Now this is not fun to do. This will not sike you up so much as start the process of healing. Just remind yourself that you have done this before. Remember that even though you thought it never would, the sun does still shine. Remember that even though every breath used to feel like a struggle, breathing gets easier as time goes on. Remember that there is life after loss. You have done this and you can do it again. Remember that nothing that happens in grief makes you weak or stupid or crazy. Just anchor onto the fact that you know, without a doubt, that some parts of you are capable of healing after this.
At this point you need to look for solutions. Let's say you just found out you didn't get the job you really wanted. You feel deflated, beaten, worthless. You don't even know where to start with a solution. Breathe. Your resume looks good, your interview went well, you checked in with them often, and still they chose someone else. Since we've already cleared our heads and compared this to something else, we can look at this logically. Maybe for a 21 year old it looks nice to have management experience and volunteer hours look great but you have no idea what other applicants have. There is no way to know if someone else had more experience in this field, had a degree relating to the job, or any other number of qualifications that you simply don't have. There is nothing you can do to guarantee that you will out qualify everyone else. Breathe. Get back online and keep looking. Decide if the job itself or the pay is more important and be honest with yourself that it is unlikely to get both. The only options here are to give up or keep trying. The answer seems pretty obvious to me.
Make a plan! Chances are, your solution is a multi-step plan. Most things in life take time and are slow to come to fruition. For every step, research as much as you need to in order to make sure you will be successful in executing it. Write it big somewhere so you are reminded constantly. Always know what step you are on and keep moving forward.
That's the biggest thing I want to tell you. No matter what it is that you have in front of you, keep moving forward. Move up it, around it, through it...just do what you have to do. If you are going to believe in anything regarding life getting better, may I suggest something? Put good out into the World. Pick up the trash by your car, cut the plastic that holds your soda cans together, smile even when you don't feel like it, and be polite to telemarketers. Give what you can and when you have nothing, give your time and your love. This will not guarantee that every day is filled with good things. This will not put you on some sort of "do not fuck with this person" list for life. It will, however, make every single day a little easier because you will always have a purpose. It also makes every day a little more magical, a little prettier, and a little more fulfilling. I believe that living a life where you put good into the World bring you the best rewards. Maybe you won't win anything on your scratch lotto ticket and that new car giveaway won't be your lucky chance. But I promise you will find love when you feel alone, you will find hope when you see darkness, and you will go to bed every night knowing that among all the bad, you are part of the good.
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